Hush
by m.march
Summary: After highschool and on to college, Pogue and Caleb have their own places and Tyler and Reid share an apartment. Multiple pairings, M/M, dark themes galore but always a romance at the core.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I don't own these characters but I do so like to play with them. Oh, Covenant Fanfics, I just can't seem to quit you.

After highschool and on to college, Pogue and Caleb have their own places and Tyler and Reid share an apartment. Multiple pairings, M/M, dark themes galore but always a romance at the core.

* * *

"Po!" Reid yelled over the thrum of the music and voices, holding a beer in one hand and a shot of tequila in the other. He was mostly certain that one of them belonged to someone else. "Why are our parties always at your place?" The blond demanded, blinking a little slowly. They were coming up on 1am and even Caleb looking only vaguely conscious.

"Because you and Ty live in that shitty little apartment," Pogue began pausing to swallow his beer and allow Tyler a sound of offense. The youngest was currently leaned into Caleb's side, he was known to be a cuddly drunk. "And Cay doesn't want you puking on his couch again."

Reid smiled slowly at the memory. It wasn't really a memory so much as it was the accounting he'd heard from Tyler the next day. Supposedly he'd been doing whiskey shots and eating redhots and by the end of it, he'd spewed all over Caleb's couch. Needless to say, the eldest had a new couch and was no longer housing parties.

Caleb smiled and pushed away from the counter, unlacing Tyler from his arm to move toward the end of tile and the opening of the living room, currently a throng of bodies and liquor. He stopped near Reid, close, and tugged the tequila shot from those pale fingers. Reid watched, more than a little drunk and thus more enchanted than usual, as those lips moved, parting pressing cold glass to the lower and throwing back the liquor. He watched his friend swallow and moaned softly at the sight of it. Caleb licked his lips and then leaned in even closer. "Feel free to vomit all over Pogue's place." He smiled and walked away, into the mass toward a particularly patient looking redhead with an impressive cleavage.

Reid laughed and took a long drink of his beer. "Shit, that man's a tease."

Pogue snorted. "You started it that time he finally kissed you and you punched him."

Reid looked up at the taller man, raising an eyebrow. "He told you about that?"

Pogue laughed and draped an arm around Tyler, tugging him along toward the living room as well. "He had to explain that split lip." He lingered to run fingertips along Reid's neck, before curling his digits around to grace spine. "You wanna come up stairs with us?" Tyler smiled sloppily and Reid laughed at the glazed look in his best friend's eyes.

Reid smacked Pogue's shoulder and then pushed away from them, walking away into the living room first. "No thanks, boys. We've got so much tail in this house I ought to try something new." He lost his beer somewhere, to someone and didn't think much on it.

He pulled his shirts off in layers, still walking slowly through the living room. He stepped out of his shoes and paused to lean his bare back against a wall, body of lean muscles wrapped tight in pale skin. He caught Caleb smiling at him over the redhead's shoulder. 'The strip down' as Reid had started to call it, always worked. Already a handful of people were watching him, most just thinking he was so drunk he didn't know he was still in a crowded room. He knew. With a smile he dropped his socks, bare feet on the carpet and started slowly toward the stairs, hands working open the buckle of his belt.

He pulled the length of leather free and dropped it on the stairs, walking up the stairs while working his buttons and fly open. He found an empty room and walked in. Before the door swung completely shut someone had pushed it open again. Reid glanced back, heavy eyelids giving the man in the doorway a once over. Tall and broad shouldered. He looked like a running back. The blond smiled and turned to face him. "You'll do." He muttered, fingers gesturing him closer and the door closing firmly behind him and clicking with a lock.

* * *

In a matter of fifteen minutes it felt like the whole party had mellowed out. Caleb was sitting on the couch, the music softer now, quieter. A large group had left, thinning out the remaining occupants of the living room to mostly sleeping bodies. The redhead was in his lap, straddling his hips. He dropped his head back against the back of the couch and moaned. She had freed him from his jeans and was now moving slowly up and down, knees on either side of his hips and his hands gently on her thighs, rubbing soft skin with his thumbs.

A deep shout burst from somewhere upstairs. The redhead didn't seem to hear it but Caleb opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. He was certain he heard a thin string of laughter. It was one of Reid's laughs. Not his soulful one, his youthful one, or even his mocking laugh. That was the laugh Reid spat when he was on edge, when he was feeling dark and angry.

He held the redhead's thighs so that she would stop moving and closed his eyes to hide the flash of black beneath his lids when he honed his senses in on that sound, to hear Reid clearly. "You little bitch." Someone else said in that room upstairs and then he heard the sound of a thick fist colliding with a face.

"Shit." Caleb exhaled and lifted the woman off his lap, dumping her onto the couch and pulling his pants up on his way up the stairs.

A thump against a wall, the sound of a table smacking against the floor. More of that awful laugh only wet now.

Caleb reached the door but found it locked. Clenching his teeth, he slammed his shoe against it and knocked the door off its hinges. He wasn't sure where to put his eyes first, on the large half naked man with bloody knuckles that he'd never seen before or on the blond he'd spent the better part of his life looking out for, currently bleeding from the face and laying on the floor naked. Reid spit blood on the carpet, his cheek split over that sharp bone and his nose broken.

The big guy with the knuckles snarled at Caleb for intruding. "Get out, man!" He yelled.

As if it were an invitation, Caleb stepped into the room, the door swinging weekly behind him. He stepped over Reid on the floor and gave the larger guy a hard shove, knocking him back into the wall. "Are you joking? If I don't hear something that makes sense in the next five seconds I'm going to throw you out that window."

Reid had reached out to grab half blind at Caleb's ankle, rolling onto his side and coughing up more red onto the carpet. Still, his blood slick mouth curved into a smirk. "Cay… I can handle this." He muttered. It sounded more assertive in his head.

"The fuck you can." Caleb snorted.

"He bit me!" The man with the knuckles shouted, not having lost much of his anger.

"What?" Caleb demanded, his face scrunching into some confusion.

Pogue appeared in the doorway, probably drawn from his own bed by the sound of splintering wood. "What's going on here?" He shouted when he saw the state of Reid. It wasn't unlike the younger blond to get himself into a fight he couldn't win and take the beating, but he was usually clothed.

"I bit him." Reid agreed with a long sloppy smile that turned mean at the corners, one eye that wasn't in the process of swelling shut glared passed Caleb at the larger youth. "I told you not to put it in my mouth."

The man with the bloody knuckles snarled back at the boy on the floor, forgetting entirely the dark haired man between them. "You don't want it? Then you shouldn't have a mouth made for-" Caleb's fist collided with the stranger's cheek, knocking him back and into the wall face first.

"Get him out of the way." Caleb ordered and Pogue quickly grabbed Reid under the arms and pulled him up from the floor and onto the bed. "Shit sweetheart, how much blood do you have to spare?" The older blond muttered, looking at the red all over his floor and sheets.

Caleb grabbed the stranger by the heels and started dragging, pulling him right out of the room and into the hall. He came to and started shouting just before they reached the stairs but the eldest didn't hesitate to shove him down them, ignoring the sickly crack of his forearm before he hit the bottom. Stepping over the heap of now wailing man, he opened the front door and then came back, grabbing up the stranger by the legs again and dragging him right out and onto the lawn. He paused there, under the dark sky and cradled in the chill of early morning. "You touch one of my brothers again and I will throw you out a window next time." The dark eyed boy said clearly over the other man's wailing before walking inside and closing the door. The redhead was gone. Just as well, after that show he wasn't exactly interested in getting off.

When he came back up the stairs Pogue was waiting in the hallway. They exchanged looks before the blond went back to his own room and Caleb pushed the now swaying door open and then closed it as best he could. Reid was on the bed and his face was still a mess. "You want to keep that broken nose?" The eldest asked standing beside the mattress and lifting Reid's jaw to get a better look at the damage. He frowned pointedly. Trouble had always been in Reid's nature but it always got worse the closer they got to the holidays.

Reid pushed his friend's hand away and looked up at the ceiling. "Leave it."

"What happened?" Caleb asked, voice forever stern, and sat down on the bed beside him, leaning back against the headboard and pillows.

Reid smiled but there was no happiness in it. "I bit him."

"Reid…" Caleb muttered. It was common knowledge for most of Reid's lovers that he didn't give blow jobs or particularly enjoy receiving them for that matter but that didn't mean random strangers should know his aversion.

"I told him I would." He snapped. "I warned him not to try to put it there."

"Then how did it end up there?" That dark voice demanded.

Reid shrugged, obviously tired. Between his drinks and his beating he was spent. "Pinned me. Fuckers faster than you'd think." He muttered sleepily.

Caleb closed his eyes to keep from cringing. He draped an arm over the other man's shoulders. "You could have stopped him without biting him."

Reid smirked, blood in the corners of his mouth. "You said not to Use so much." He liked to throw that in Caleb's face when he got the chance, but after ascending he had made an honest effort to save his power- or rather, the amount of power his body could use before it wore him down. It wasn't that he was afraid of dying early exactly, it had just occurred to him after the Chase incident that if he let himself grow withered and weak he wouldn't be able to protect his brothers.

"You're an ass." Caleb muttered, opening his eyes to let them flash black and resetting this friend's nose. The rest he left. He didn't like leaving the rest of those bruises and bleeding lip to heal slowly but if that oaf called the cops it would be best if the proof of his misconduct didn't just vanish overnight.

"You love my ass." Reid murmured, almost asleep.

Caleb sighed heavily. "I'm an idiot."


	2. Steam

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Not even a little.

* * *

Tyler found them at the university cafeteria. Pogue was currently working his way through a burger and fries while Caleb spoke, a small pile of brochures on the table in front of them. "Where's Reid?" Tyler asked while pulling out a chair and dropping his bag on the floor.

"Still in class." Pogue mumbled around his mouthful.

"Assuming he went…" Caleb muttered.

There was a pause of quiet. Reid always got testy during the holidays and in the thick of November, it was a miracle if he made it to his classes. Really, when Tyler thought about it, he wasn't sure how Reid managed to pass his fall classes. At least his black eye and busted lip had finally healed. He'd been insufferable the last week or so, putting on the pity show every time a cute girl passed by.

"What are these?" Tyler asked, picking up one of the brochures with a picture of a snowcapped mountain and skiers and then another with a couple tanning on a tropical beach.

"Christmas vacation." Pogue spoke again after taking a large bite.

"We were thinking, since Reid has persisted in hating Christmas for the past decade, we could all go someplace else this year, away from families and innocent bystanders." Caleb said, tossing a couple more of the perspective locales in Tyler's direction.

The youngest laughed. "He's not that bad."

"Last night he started a fight at Colson Grill and got us all banned." Caleb pointed out while looking over another brochure, this one for a resort in the mountains.

"He didn't start that fight." Tyler countered loyally. "Garren Wills-"

"Garren threw the first punch but you know who started that fight." Caleb said firmly.

Pogue sighed tiresomely after taking a drink of his coke. "He wants to get hit." He commented. Both of his brothers looked at him in surprise. Pogue shrugged one leather clad shoulder at their expressions. "He starts fights about things he doesn't care about, always with guys bigger than him or with friends there and then he takes the beating. Haven't you noticed? Every time his face heals he finds another guy with thick fists to mess it up again. At this rate he's going to be a damn ugly old man."

Caleb frowned. He'd noticed the trajectory of Reid's fights but he hadn't wanted to think on it. If they went somewhere else for Christmas maybe he could get over whatever his damage was about the season. It had started when they were teens, his mood swings around this time of year.

"How is he when you two go to your parents?" Caleb changed the subject, looking at Tyler. Since Reid's dad had passed away when he was young and his mom had stopped wanting to do holidays, Reid had spent every Christmas at Tyler's since they were fourteen.

Tyler shrugged. "Bored. We play a lot of video games and watch movies. He gets kind of quiet and… I don't know. Docile?" He made a face at the word he was saying, not sure how it could fit Reid. "I think he just gets depressed."

Pogue coughed to quiet them and then lifted his arm to wave at someone. "Over here." He called and Tyler looked back to see Reid crossing the cafeteria. Tyler didn't like when they talked about Reid in private, mostly he didn't like when he let himself get sucked into it.

"What's all this?" Reid smiled as he sat down, reaching across the table to take Pogue's soda. "You two going on a honeymoon?" He smirked at Pogue and Caleb.

"We were thinking we'd go someplace fun for the holiday break."

Reid nodded a little absently then. "Yeah, sounds cool. You guys have fun."

Pogue pushed his plate with fries across the table to the blond with his coke. "We were thinking we'd all go. Be more fun with the four of us."

Reid looked up and there was a bit of dark skepticism and something sadder there. He looked tired and returned his attention to the fries. "Tyler goes to his mom's every Christmas." He said simply.

Tyler shifted in his seat and pulled out his phone. "I'm sure she won't care. Come on, we're not in prep school anymore, I doubt she expects us to show up every holiday." He started texting and Reid eyed his phone as he typed.

Caleb couldn't help but watch his younger friend carefully. There was something wrong with the amount of emotion shifting beneath that mask of indifference. It was as though he didn't want to get his hopes up. It left Caleb uncomfortably confused. If Reid didn't like going to Tyler's then why did he go every year? "So," The eldest spoke to catch the blonde's attention. "Where do you want to go?" He nudged his chin toward the brochures on the table.

Reid shrugged. "I don't care. Someplace without snow." He picked up a few more fries and then stood. "I've got another class. Catch you boys later."

"We're barbequing tonight." Caleb reminded. "My place."

Reid waved back in acknowledgement and then left.

"Well, at least he didn't flip a table or anything." Pogue muttered, reaching across the table to retrieve what was left of his soda.

* * *

When Tyler came back to their apartment, Reid was already home. He knew instantly because the door wasn't locked and his bestfriend's jacket was a heap on the back of the couch.

"Reid." Tyler called, dropping his back near the other man's jacket and rounding pushing open the other man's bedroom door. He heard the shower in the adjoining bathroom turn off.

"Yeah?" Reid replied, voice echoing from inside tile just before he opened the door and stepped out in a cloud of steam, rubbing his towel into his hair and not seeming to notice the water dripping down the rest of him.

Reid had a habit of not noticing his own nudity and Tyler always appreciated that. "Nothing. I thought you'd be the one to make us late tonight but you've already showered."

The blond smiled, towel now left over his head like a hood attached to nothing, shadowing those sharp features. "If you want I can go outside and roll around in the dirt, buy you a little time to catch up."

Tyler shook his head and laughed, stripping off his sweater and shirt and starting toward his best friend with an eye for the shower behind him. "Oh, I talked to my mom." Tyler started and couldn't help but notice the way those long muscles tensed. "She was kind of bummed out but she said we could do whatever we wanted."

Reid nodded slowly as though these words might have some deeper meaning. He slid the towel from his hair and shrugged. "And what do you want to do, Baby Boy?"

Tyler took the damp towel from his friend's hands before it could end up on the floor. "Let's go to the beach." He said easily. He hated how unhappy Reid got around this part of the year. If he could change it, he would.

Reid looked at him strangely through those wet tossed strands of his hair. "Are you sure?"

Tyler smiled a little nervously and touched his brother's cheek. "Yeah. Come on. It's just a couple weeks. We'll go to the beach, get drunk and sun burnt and maybe even laid."

Reid smiled slowly at first, and then wider until the excitement and relief seemed to consume his features. "Maybe?" He laughed and turned toward Tyler, pushing the other body back and into the steamy bathroom. "I'll have you and Po and Cay there, how could I not get laid?" He said confidently and before Tyler could respond his face moved forward to swallow the space between them before colliding lips to lips. He opened Tyler's mouth easily with his own and delved his tongue deep into that warmth, his naked body pushing the half naked one against the counter.

Tyler umphed and for a moment tensed as though he might resist. If he ever resisted, Reid would have backed away. He didn't rough house with Tyler during sex the way he did with Pogue. Usually he didn't even make the first move. In all their years of playing at friends and lovers, Reid had only initiated a handful of times and in their teen years of inexperience, he had been insufferably hesitant. Reid would jump into bed with strangers, men and women, but when it came to his brother's he had always hesitated, flirted, and teased. He had refused to be Tyler's first, even when the youngest had asked outright. Luckily Pogue had not been so hesitant but to this day Tyler didn't understand why or how Reid could be so careful with the ones he loved and so careless with himself in every other aspect of his life.

Tyler moaned against that mouth and pushed his chest against that damp one, making sure his friend knew this was wanted. He hated how Reid treated him sometimes, like he was fragile. He reached down between them and ran his fingers along the wet skin of Reid's thigh, up those jumping muscles until his hand cupped the other man's sex.

Reid groaned and pulled his mouth from his best friend's only long enough to move his lips and tongue to his neck, kissing, biting and licking from the back of his ear down to his collarbone. His fingers worked open those jeans with expertise and pushed them down, shuddering pleasantly when Tyler wiggled his hips to let them fall. He paused for a moment, to just be against him, to have that hand stroking him while he tasted that neck, and then he grabbed those thighs and lifted the younger man onto the counter.

His fingers were in Reid's hair, pressing at the back of his neck. He moaned when he felt fingers pushing into him, stretching him. "Yes." Tyler moaned, curling his neck to press his cheek into Reid's hair and have his mouth hovering near his ear. "Please."

Reid smiled, that playful wicked turn of lips. "You beg so easy, Baby Boy." He whispered huskily.

"Sh-Shut up and fuck me." He whimpered, fingers digging into Reid's shoulders when he complied and moaning louder when the blond started to thrust against him.

Tyler felt the cold wall of glass against his back when he was pushed into the mirror and his vision blurred when Reid's hand wrapped around his cock between them, thrusting and stroking almost in unison. It wasn't long before Tyler was rocking against him, lifting his hips to roll his ass against those deep strokes.

They hadn't had sex until they moved into this apartment a year and a half ago for college. Before that it had been only heavy make out sessions and hand jobs. Tyler had once, and only once, tried to blow Reid. He'd persisted. He'd wanted to practice. Reid had said no but he was drunk and after some raunchy coaxing, he'd given in, letting Tyler open his pants and settle between his knees. He'd barely gotten Reid hard in his mouth before his friend had jolted upright and away. He hadn't said anything. He'd just stared at Tyler like he'd woken him from a nightmare and then left. Reid had left their dorm for two weeks that time and then when he returned it had been like nothing had happened. To be fair, Pogue had warned him that Reid had an aversion to blow jobs before he'd pushed, but some portion of Tyler's pride had wanted to be the exception.

His breath came out hard and his whole body tensed on the counter when he came, shooting his lust between their bodies. A few thrusts later Reid had joined him, spasming against his chest and cumming inside of him.

Tyler panted and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the mirror. "You still managed to make us late…" He muttered with a grin.

Reid rubbed his face against his brother's neck. "But you have to admit, it was better than rolling in the dirt."

* * *

Chapter two already! Maybe I'm getting better at this fanfic thing.

Thank you so much to everyone that's already started reading this and a huge special thanks to alykat14 and TVDLoveSucks1009 for sticking with me and being so quick to comment on the first chapter. It was really inspiring to know that someone's enjoying this. Thank you!


	3. Tease

Reid and Tyler were late, Caleb noticed, but they were always late. Or, at least, Reid was always late. When Caleb walked through the open slider-doors and onto the back porch he saw Pogue sliding his phone back into his pocket before picking up the tongs and laying the steaks on the grill. They sizzled and a small burst of steam and smoke lifted toward the evening sky.

"They're on their way." Pogue said, always calm and reached toward Caleb for the beer he'd gone into the kitchen to get. With a small smile his best friend handed over one of the two he'd grabbed. Even though Po had said he didn't want one, Caleb had known he would just end up drinking his instead. "Baby Boy said he's on for the beach this christmas. Better pick a spot and make some calls." Pogue said, nudging his chin skyward to the clouds as though Caleb weren't aware that it was cold out. It hadn't been his idea to barbaque but Pogue had insisted that there was no other way of cooking.

From the look of the grey sky and the sharp chill, it wouldn't surprise Caleb if it started snowing tonight. And once it started it would set in until spring. When he heard the front door open and close inside the house and the other two men talking on their way toward the back, he expected Reid to come out complaining about the cold. Despite his preference for layers of clothing, he had never been a fan of winter. Caleb wasn't even sure if his mood was a product of the holidays or the temperature but either way, they'd go someplace different this christmas and find out.

The blond came through the backdoors and onto the porch, hat, gloves and jacket still on and a sly smile on his face when he sidled up beside Caleb, muttering something half hearted about the weather and taking the newly opened beer from his hand. "It's not my fault we're late." Reid insisted.

Tyler blushed and nudged him as he passed on his way toward the barbaque and Pogue. "Shut up, Reid."

"What?" Reid smirked. "You drive slow." He said between sips, handing the bottle back to Caleb. "So where are we going this christmas? No where with lions."

Caleb couldn't help but smile. "Lions?"

"Yeah. Or crocs. I don't want to get eaten." Reid said casually enough.

Pogue snorted and flipped a piece of meat.

"Lets just pick an island." Tyler suggested, always the one for diplomacy and keeping them on subject.

"Without crocs." Reid reminded promptly.

"How about one of those places with the cabins out on the water."

"What about sharks?" Caleb asked, pointedly looking at Reid. "Are you going to veto all places with sharks?"

"Psh, I'm not afraid of a fish." He remarked with a little smirk and an upturned jaw. Their eyes met and Caleb wasn't sure he'd even see Reid look so, light. He smiled easily and the darkness was almost gone from those blue eyes.

"Fuck it's cold out here." Reid complained and looked away, glancing at his other friends. He took a step toward the barbaque and gave Pogue a little shove. "Learn another way to cook or let Cay do it next time. I'm not going to stand out here when it starts snowing."

Pogue gave him a look that involved scrunching half his face. "What are you talking about? It's barely even fall."

"The hell it is." Reid snapped playfully. "The meat's probably going to freeze as soon as you take it off the grill."

"Stop your bitchen or you'll be eating potato chips for dinner." Pogue replied, pointing the tongs at his younger friend.

Reid smiled and reached for Caleb's beer again, this time the eldest was already holding it out for him.

The discussion of island getaways became heated. All tropical islands in south america were being vetoed by Reid on the thin argument of crocodiles which was starting to make Tyler red in the face with irritation. Caleb occasionally offered up another suggestion only to hear the two bicker about it, Reid finding ways to shoot them down though the little smile in the corner of his mouth suggested he was doing it for sport at this point.

Tyler had started to suspect this as well, fists balled in frustration. He was just about to accuse the blond when Reid's expression changed, eyes losing focus and hand raising to point one thinly gloved finger at the sky. Large white flakes were slowly filling the darkening sky. "That's my queue." Reid said with a triumphant grin and turned on his heel for the door. "I'll get the PS3 warmed up for you guys."

He walked inside and slid the door shut behind himself.

Caleb smiled in his wake and Tyler huffed. "What the hell. I thought he wanted to go to a beach."

Pogue laughed. "Just pick whichever one you want, Baby Boy. He's just playin with you."

Caleb sighed at his empty hands, realizing that the blond had absconded with his beer. "I'm gonna get another one." He muttered before walking to the sliding door. Tyler and Pogue were already re-discussing the merits of cabins versus hotels. He closed the door behind him to keep the growing cold out.

Reid was in the kitchen in the midst of retrieving another beer for himself, he smiled when he saw Caleb, knowing that the beer he'd just finished was the one he'd take from the eldest. He pulled a second bottle from Pogue's fridge and put it on the counter. "You're afraid of crocodiles and lions?" Caleb asked, voice dark and uninterested as usual.

Reid rolled a shoulder and popped the top off his bottle. "As much as anyone else I guess. Who wants to get eaten?"

Caleb smiled wider. "Some people don't mind being eaten."

Reid frowned a little but it was accompanied by a lifted eyebrow. He turned, leaning back against the counter and looking through lashes at the taller dark haired man in front of him. He'd spent almost is whole life with Caleb. They were never as close as he and Tyler, never as comfortable as he and Pogue. "Is that why you've never made a move on me? I won't let you blow me.. won't blow you." His question was quiet, his voice low and his eyes unyielding.

Caleb smiled but it was thin and a little bitter. He hadn't picked up the beer from the counter. He slid forward in that space of tile, until he stood so close to the blond that he was almost cornered against the counter and yet he wasn't touching him at all. "You don't know what I like, Reid." Caleb said darkly, so close that a whisper was thunder. "And I did make a move."

Reid resisted the urge to shiver, resisted the impulse to push his hips forward from where they leaned against linoleum to rub against Caleb's. They'd never made it past that first kiss so many years ago. It had taken so long to get to that point. He's been making out with Tyler for years and slept with Pogue before he ever even got to that kiss with Caleb. It still made his skin tingle to think about it and his eyes drifted to those lips. "You still whining about that busted lip?" He tried to smile around the joke, one of his biggest regrets wrapped in the bitter arms of his greatest shame.

He watched Caleb's mouth turn with that little smile. It was a mystery. He never knew if there was any joy in that smirk or if it was just for show. Honestly, Reid had never understood Caleb. Not even for a moment in all their lives. He had never apologized for punching him. He'd never even tried to explain. What would have been the point? He had told himself then that it would blow over, that Caleb would try again someday. He hadn't and out of the same stubbornness, neither had Reid. So there they stood, a breath a part, so close that they could hear each others pulses and yet neither could close that gap. It was a war and Reid wondered if they were both winning or losing.

The door to the backyard slid open, letting in a gust of wind and Pogue followed by Tyler. "Food's ready." The first declared.

Reid watched the slight smile in the corners of Caleb's mouth change, turning into something more casual as he turned away, picking up his beer from the other counter and whistling at the platter of meat. Reid lifted his own bottle to his lips and took a drink. Sometimes he was certain that whatever their war was, he was losing.

* * *

Reid was always the last to wake up. Being last was a habit of his, he supposed, but at least he wasn't the youngest. Tyler was downstairs, probably already attached to the PS3 or making breakfast and Caleb had gone to a class. Rubbing the back of his head and ruffling already messy hair, he walked into the bathroom. The sound of the running shower didn't stop him from entering.

Pogue poked his head around the half wall of tile to see who was standing at the sink before going back to the water and soap. "Good morning, sunshine." He said over the sound of water in the drain.

Reid leaned over the sink to look at himself in the mirror. He went through the motions, not entirely sure why he'd walked into the bathroom. His partial conversation with Caleb had been bothering him all night and remained in his thoughts even when he woke. "What's Cay into?" He heard himself ask before he really decided to. Caleb had said that Reid didn't even know what he liked. It was true. They had a first kiss and then Reid slugged him in the mouth.

He's put it away in the back of his thoughts for years but now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

The water turned off. "What do you mean?" Pogue asked, sounding cautiously casual but with a hint of curiosity. He walked into view in the mirror and Reid took a lecherous moment to smirk at that drenched sculpted body before he took the towel from the hook and started drying off.

Reid shrugged, leaning into the counter and still watching the other through the reflective glass rather than turning around and facing him. "I don't know.. kinky shit, you know? What's his deal?"

Pogue paused in his drying and then licked his lips before slinging the towel over his head and starting on his hair. "You could ask him." He muttered the suggestion.

Reid groaned and turned around, swaying for a moment before crossing his arms. "Never mind." He said and then started for the door. When he started to open it, it closed again, Pogue's hand flat against the wood and Reid could feel wet strands of his hair touching his naked neck. "Why do you want to know?" Pogue asked in that low patient voice that both maddened and soothed the smaller blond. "I'm not going to tell you stories about what he and I do." He said clearly, mouth close to Reid's ear then. "Do you know how many times Cay and Tyler have asked about your first time, wanting to hear that story?"

Reid turned around in that small space to look up at his friend with sharp blue eyes, widened by a fraction with fear he hadn't known he had in him. His first time on the bottom felt like a lifetime ago. It had been awkward at best. He hadn't been able to stop shaking and it had taken a lot of patience on Pogue's end- luckily Pogue had never had a shortage on patience when it came to his loved ones and Reid had been persistent that despite all his nerves, he wanted to do it. "What did you tell them?" Reid all but whispered, heart pounding in his chest. That had been an embarrassing weekend. He had cried for fucks sake.

Pogue smiled, soft and playful as usual again. "I told them that it was pretty much what they'd expect. You insisted you knew everything, rode me like a damn horse and then complained about the lack of food in my fridge."

Reid actually shivered in relief, rolling his eyes at his friend's need to cause him panic. "So that's your way of telling me you won't talk about what Cay likes in bed?"

"That's my way of telling you, that I won't tell you anything he wouldn't want you to know, so you might as well just ask him." He smirked and stood straight, letting go of the door.

"You're a dick." Reid spat with less irritation than he would have liked. "I just wanted to know if he.. You know, he's a tease."

Pogue laughed then and took those few steps away, deeper into the bathroom and toward the mirror. "A tease makes you think things they won't do... Caleb has never teased in his life."

Reid licked his lips and shifted from one foot to the other. What the fuck was he waiting for? What was it he wanted to know? If Caleb wasn't teasing, then he was interested in Reid, it still didn't change anything since neither of them would make that move.

"He doesn't like getting punched in the face for kissing you, turn out." Pogue jabbed with a smirk, picking up his toothbrush and putting the toothpaste on the bristles.

"Yeah, yeah. I got a class. I'll see you at Jacksons tonight?" It had taken them the first year of college to pick out a new bar but they'd finally settled on a dive off route 92.

"Hey, Reid." Pogue called to stop him halfway out the door. He seemed to hesitate for a second before curiosity had him asking. "Why did you punch him that time?"

Reid paused and for a moment considered telling him the truth. If he ever tried to explain it to anyone, it would have been Pogue. He shrugged instead and smiled lazily. "You know me." He said before leaving.

Pogue watched him go. He always knew when Reid was lying or hiding, unfortunately it was so often that he rarely tried to pry anymore. Reid wasn't the kind of guy you could push secrets out of. If he wanted to talk, he would. But, sadly, Reid had always been a creature of action over words.

* * *

So at this rate they might get to christmas by the time we do. Hope you guys like this bit. Thank you so much for the favs and comments! You're so supportive and inspiring!


	4. Breathe

Caleb rolled his knuckles against the apartment door but before the sound could even resound inside, Pogue had reached out and turned the knob. He smiled at the dark haired man's judging scowl. "What? You know they never lock the damn thing." Po muttered with a smirk and walked past him and into the small dwelling.

"If you're a burglar, turn your ass around man." Came Tyler's voice from around the corner. He was sitting on the couch with his text books spread out on the coffee table and a pen bouncing against his thigh. He had always been a last minute studier. If he was this tense he probably had an exam the next morning.

Pogue walked in first and dropped himself comfortably into one of the chairs while Caleb walked past the living room to peek into Reid's bedroom. It was a mess but it was empty. "Where is he?" Caleb asked.

Tyler looked up then, surveying his brothers in attendance to realize who Caleb meant. He sighed and looked down at his text book again. "He went out. I needed to study." He said the last sentence pointedly and Pogue smiled at that bit of feist in their youngest.

"Do you know where?" Caleb asked, moving toward the door again already. He was never one to get in the ways of his friends studies.

"Uh, yeah, he said something about seeing if the pool was still open." Tyler muttered, eyes skimming a page. When Caleb opened the front door again the youngest seemed to wake from his studies, looking up quickly. "Oh, hey, my mom called. Turns out she does want us to be there for christmas, something about tradition and me living far away now... yadda yadda." He said, waving that pen in annoyance at the parent that wasn't there. "So I guess it'll just be you and Pogue on the beach next week." He looked down at his books again and his pen returned to the page of a notebook. "Bring us back some sand or something." He muttered, back to reading.

Caleb nodded slowly. "Yeah, sure." He said before looking at Pogue once more, it was obvious his friend was comfortable in his seat and had no intention of leaving just yet- a shame for Tyler's grades because Po did not have the same respect for studying as Caleb.

He closed the door and walked back down the hall toward the stairs. Honestly, when he got in his car he had intended to drive home. The gym was on the way. He saw it but hadn't really thought to go until he found himself parked and getting out of the car. The lot was empty and the street growing dark. The only light he saw in the windowed front of the building was the lobby and in it he could see janitor buffing the floors. He frowned. The place was closed. Logic would have most men thinking Reid had gone elsewhere. But Reid was not bound by logic.

Caleb tapped on the glass door and the man came over, using a key on his belt to open it. "You practicing for a match too?" The older man grunted before Caleb could even speak.

"I just need to get my friend." He said.

The janitor looked him over, as though considering it before sighing and stepping back. "Go ahead. I'm done here by eleven. I told your friend he has to be out by then."

Caleb nodded and passed him, wondering how much Reid paid this guy for a late night swim.

Gym's were a different place at night. Empty and dark and full of shadows. If those were things that bothered Caleb, it might have been eerie. The pool room was washed in moonlight and the sound of the body doing laps echoed against the tiles and high ceiling. Caleb stood near one end and watched Reid move through the water. Lean body, pale in that dark water and sending flurries of ripples out in either directions. He watched him do two laps, waiting for him to stop. He didn't. There was a calm for a stretch of seconds every time he reached a wall, his body hitting it and curling under the water to push off again, streaming beneath the surface to let the room fall into silence before he surfaced again.

Caleb took off his jacket and set it on a bench. He pulled out his phone and started to text Po to let him know that he found Reid but before he could send the message he realized that the silence at Reid's turn had not ended. There was no sound in the room. The seconds in the usual rhythm had passed without the surface breaking.

Caleb looked up to see the dark water stilling, the last ripples working their way out to the edges. He took quick steps to the side to look into the water. Reid's body was easy to find, light skin and blond hair. He was drifting to the bottom and just laying there. Caleb felt a wave of icy spread over his skin. He watched Reid blink underwater, staring up. He watched him exhale slowly, bubbles rising up to the surface and then stillness followed. He dropped his phone and felt his eyes go wide when he watched his brother inhale suddenly beneath water, body spasming at the bottom of those depths when the liquid flooded his lungs.

Without thinking he had leapt into the pool, body cutting a line through the water and swimming straight for him. He could see him struggling on the bottom, fists clenched and limbs kicking out, needing to move though he seemed to do nothing to propel himself toward the surface. He had stilled just before Caleb reached him. As soon as he grabbed that limp wrist and jerked the unmoving body toward himself, Caleb's eyes flashed black and they were on the tiles beside the pool, water splashing against the floor around them.

Caleb inhaled and for a split second found himself staring at the limb body in his arms. His eyes, still dark, burned and Reid spasmed, body turning as water heaved up from his lungs. Caleb's eyes returned to normal but continued to stare at the other man, his shoulders shaking as he coughed violently before falling back. For a moment he blinked at the ceiling and seemed only vaguely to notice that anything had changed from where he lay under the water and then his gaze drifted to Caleb's. His whole body tensed anew and the eldest could almost see everything coming back to him. Panic and anger and even fear in those blue eyes.

"Let go of me, man." Reid croaked out, pushing at Caleb's wet shirt to shove himself onto the puddled tile.

"Why would you do that?" Caleb barely managed in a whisper first staring at him in disbelief. He went through the last minute again and again, his mind racing and his heart pounding.

"What? I was swimming!" Reid spat, pushing his arms at the ground to try to stand. Everything shook and he was forced to sit again, to catch his breath, his vision blurring.

"The hell you were!" Caleb shouted at the back now facing him. "What were you thinking?"

Reid hissed, closing his eyes and trying to get his bearings. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I saw you! I saw you laying down there and I saw you swallow up water like a fucking vacuum!" Caleb grabbed at his friend's shoulder to try to turn him but Reid jerked away, managing to stand this time.

"You saw wrong. I need to get changed." He muttered, starting for the locker rooms.

Caleb exhaled slowly and then stood, legs picking up speed despite his wet jeans to run those last steps, slamming the door open before it had closed. He saw Reid jump at the sound, a slight tensing of muscles before the younger man forced himself to relax, to act calm. "What happened?" The eldest demanded.

Reid stood between bench and locker, pulling open one of those metal doors and grabbing a towel. "What are you talking about now?" He tried to sound amused but he was shaken.

"Damn it, Reid!" Caleb shouted, his voice echoing in that large empty room of metal closets.

The blond tensed again and then sighed, running his hand over his face and using his fingers to rake his hair back. "Just let it go, man." He muttered, pulling out another towel and extending his arm to the side, offering it up to Caleb.

The eldest could help but feel like the towel was some sort of surrender, sharp white and hanging from those fingers. With a slow exhale he took those few steps closer but instead of grabbing the towel he grabbed the wrist. He felt the lines of tension shoot through Reid's arm, spreading to his whole body when Caleb pulled him harshly forward and twisting him around to have his naked back slap against the wall of lockers.

Icy blue eyes widened, staring at him in surprise and barely contained fury. "Let go." He hissed.

Caleb released his wrist but both hands moved to his face, touching his cheeks, running his hands down to hold both sides of his neck. Dark eyes bore into those blues. "Why did you try to kill yourself?" He could barely keep it a whisper, his own voice shaking at the words to echo the terror in his heart. His mind couldn't stop turning. If he hadn't have come to the gym, if he hadn't have noticed the silence, if he hadn't of used- the blond would be a corpse in a body bag.

"I..." Reid licked his lips and Caleb could see the fury melting away. He looked so tired. His mouth opened again but he seemed to be without words.

"Tell me." Caleb pleaded, dark voice and dark eyes. "I'll make it better." He swore. "Just tell me why."

That was Caleb. Reid smiled slowly to himself. That was their eldest brother. He would move the stars to take care of the rest of them, there was nothing any of them wouldn't do for each other. Maybe that was why it had always been so horrible to keep it to himself. It had been the right thing to do at one point, he was sure of it. He had thought about telling them years ago, about letting them save him, but he had decided it was better not to, better to take it himself then let the truth rip them apart. He shook his head slowly and a tear rolled over his cheek, his hand quick to scrub it away and his jaw flexing at though it could hide that weakness. "You can't."

He pushed at Caleb's chest to get some space between them, shaking his head and grabbing for his towel where it had fallen. "I'm sorry, Cay." He exhaled and tried to smile. "I was tired and it was stupid. I don't know what I was thinking." He held out the extra towel to his friend again, this time watching as though he might be able to jerk his arm back in time if Caleb reached for his wrist again.

The eldest took the towel and for a moment just stood there while Reid started to dry off before pulling out his gym back and clothes. He was getting ready to go like normal. Like nothing had happened and it was so tempting to play along, to believe it. He wanted to pretend that it was some weird mistake, chalk it up to Reid's unpredictability and maybe sleep deprivation and let it go. But the second in which Reid's lifeless body lay in his lap continued to taunt him.

They didn't talk on the way back to Reid's apartment building and the blond seemed surprised when his friend turned off the engine and got out of the car, following him upstairs. He stayed a few steps behind the blond and watched his back curiously when his stride slowed. He licked his lips to work up words. "Listen, can we not tell Ty about this?" Reid murmured and suddenly Caleb felt like they were fourteen again and Reid had just broken a window. "It'll just upset him." He continued and Caleb clench his jaw to keep from reply. He imagined hearing your best friend tried to kill himself in the pool would upset most men. "I won't do it again." He whispered when they reached the third floor hall.

Caleb caught his arm and turned him, wanting to see those blue eyes again. He stared at them for a minute before he spoke. "Swear it."

"What?" Reid looked startled before he tried to act like it had been a joke.

"Swear that you won't try to kill yourself again and I won't tell Tyler." Caleb said clearly. He hadn't thought to get his word until the moment arose. The covenant had always been bound by the oaths they gave one another. They were physically incapable of breaking them.

Reid's face drained of all pretend amusement and Caleb wanted to shout and swear again because that hesitation could only mean he wasn't sure he wouldn't. "Then lets go have a conversation with Tyler and Po and call your damn mom too while we're at it." The eldest hissed, pulling Reid by that arm now toward his apartment door.

With a curse and a twist of his body to break free of that hold he hissed. "Fine! Fuck, it was an accident anyway!" He swore but Caleb just stared at him, waiting. Grinding his teeth he let his eyes wash black. "You have my word. I won't do it again." He exhaled.

The door to his apartment opened and Pogue leaned out, raising an eyebrow at the obviously still damp Caleb and then at Reid's tense back. They looked like they were about to take swings at each other, something they hadn't done since high school. "Is there a problem?"

Reid's eyes returned to their blue, still staring at Caleb, waiting to see if he would keep his side of their agreement.

"Nope. Nothing." Caleb muttered, not looking away from Reid until the blond nodded and turned away, marching past Pogue and into the apartment. Caleb didn't bother to follow.

Pogue waited in the hall until he heard another door inside the apartment slam and then he looked at Caleb with a raised questioning eyebrow.

"Watch him." Caleb said simply. "I'm going to go change our travel plans." He turned away, hands sliding into his pockets as he headed back for the stairs. "We're spending Christmas at Tyler's so tell him to call his mom and let her know."

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Thanks to anyone that's made it this far! I know there wasn't anything steamy in this bit but I hope you liked it and stick around for more!


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